Im already a mom, a universal mom, a nurturer, much like Mother Earth or Mother Goose. Ive got the mom life without having my own biological children. Ive also got the most beautiful fur son I could ever ask for.
Story behind the song
Healing wounds, starts with love.
A letter I once wrote to someone who didnt take the time to really get to know me.
Lyrics
I feel like Im always in a partial dream state. Its much how I keep my heart alive. And its also part of what gets me into trouble. Then I wake up like danger danger. This isnt safe. Why am I doing this? And this is why Im single. My heart is broken as much as Im healing. Im also hurting. And the hurt part of me understands the hurt part of others. And the importance of love and happiness. To feel close to a man is a drug to me as much as it is my kryptonite. When you said I was like a drug for you I was feeling it too. And it felt so damn good. So unreal until I woke up and my heart was breaking again when you reminded me where I stand. And where I stand is nothing. Im nothing to you. And thats when Id shut down and cuss you out. I know Im bringing a lot up. And its been years. And yet the pain is still there and goes deeper than just you sweetie. And I guess thats why Im too much for a man and I probably always will be too much. The thing is it doesnt make me any less loveable. And probably why I give so much.
The foundation of why I got fixed starts with my parents and with how things are. I dont feel good enough to raise a child of my own. And with all that happened to me, it would kill me to see my child go through it, as broken as the system is, I cant guarantee they wont and my heart cant take it. Thats exactly what my friend is going through with her child and her child is the whole reason why I ever wanted a baby. In 2012, I lost my baby along with my tube all the bleeding, all the scarring, all my choices in men; The universe told me no and I had to listen. I couldnt keep dreaming. I had to get fixed. Dont think I didnt have my moments where I cried it out. I accept it for what it is even though it still hurts like hell at times. In 2019 I got my second tube removed, that time by choice so I cant have kids. Then the pandemic started. Im doing my best to keep my head up just like everyone else. And dogs give my life meaning so do humans, well as scared as I am of humans and still also love them. Because I get it. I fucking get it as much as I sometimes dont get it. And this is why even when I feel dim I get back up again. Because Ive got a lot to be thankful for. A lot of us do. I have a purpose, I have reasons to live. And it has nothing to do with materialism. Not the reasons that keep me living anyway. I bought a bunch of blankets and washed them to donate them to the ABCCM blanket drive. Even got a beautiful kids coat, and some warm Jammies to give to the drive for those who need them. The world is already in need as it is. And my friends child needs me. And my job needs me. My parents need me. Dogs need me. Amber needs me. And I need all of them too. So Im gonna keep keeping on and this is how I heal. When you told me that Id be a good mom it felt good as much as it scared me, but it turned out that it didnt matter and damn did I feel it all.